Thinking...out loud...uh oh.
I've been told that...I think out loud. That's what this post is..except I'm typing (out loud). And the post might be edited as well...so...here goes...
Why can't I get into attending church? I love the Lord, believe Scripture, value prayer, and Holy Communion. I enjoy time with my Christian friends. So what's the problem?
Why is the church hour so frustrating? Why is it regularly the loneliest hour of the week for me? Why? The scripture I claim to love says if I don't love my Christian brothers, that I don't love God either. Maybe, I'm deceived...maybe...however, that can happen to anyone...even you...(so don't be too quick to jump on my case...please...)
I never did like going to church. Growing up I was dragged to church each week, (Its OK mom, I learned good stuff in spite of my attitude.) I hated it. I was not following Christ at the time either.
Now I do follow Christ, or think I do. It depends how you define it, I guess. There have been times when I would have considered my present faith as carnal, leading to death for sure. Now I wonder who the hell I thought I was passing judgment like that. It's Gods place to make judgments like that. My place is to judge what is true...not souls.
I have been a follower of Christ for 30 years now. In that time, there have been few churches I enjoyed. I've heard it all..."Don't look for the perfect church." (I'm not). "You will not be satisfied in Christ's church unless you get meaningfully involved, and lead."...(I don't have the patience.). "You have to work behind the scenes, with humility."...(too lonely) "Try a small group."...(too many Chiefs, and not enough Indians) "You're just too negative." (What!? Possibly that's true...but is it really driving this?) "You don't love people." (Ouch! I think I love...but maybe not well.)
I know I should attend, and be involved in a local church. After trying everything I can think of, it has become so hard. I started this post because I was thinking of going to church in the morning for the first time this year. My choice is a 9:00 service (too early... :-) or an 11:15 service (which goes way to damn long each week). Two hours (plus) is too long...truly, it is. Everyone thinks what they have to say is so important. Believe it or not I used to lead Bible studies, and if everyone had something to say, I cut my lesson short to finish when I promised to finish...so time management is doable in Gods house!
I think of that definition of insanity...(trying the same thing over and over expecting a different result)...Maybe insanity is what I'm engaged in.
What is the answer? Part of me wishes I was wrong, and that this is not an issue I should struggle with. Another part of me thinks I just go and make the most of something, anything...it doesn't matter where or what, just go (somewhere they manage time well..:-)
Frankly, I don't observe many people enjoying themselves (being blessed?) in organized religion. They may say they are; although, it looks contrived more often than not. Which reminds me I am not the only one who struggles with this.
There...and I didn't edit this post after all......(next morning) Now I have done some editing, but it's minimal.
Part 2...(later tonight...a thought)
As I read back over this it occurs to me what ingredient was present every time church was enjoyable, or at least tolerable...Relationship...relationship was present (Sorry to sound trite. Remember, I'm just thinking/typing out loud here..so...)...Relationship...We talk about that a lot in church...however, for myself it has not been present in a long time. Relationship...I remember the kind where people enjoyed each other (you were not just a "project"), and helped each other (not out of guilt, or church requirement, but because they wanted to), and (so important for neurotics like myself) didn't give up on each other. In every case from my initial introduction to Christianity, to every positive experience I've had, that has been the key...that's it (where I received, and gave that kind of relationship)...Now it is just not there...
So, is that it? IDK...I don't...Of course I could just be romanticizing...But it might be something to pray about...
Why can't I get into attending church? I love the Lord, believe Scripture, value prayer, and Holy Communion. I enjoy time with my Christian friends. So what's the problem?
Why is the church hour so frustrating? Why is it regularly the loneliest hour of the week for me? Why? The scripture I claim to love says if I don't love my Christian brothers, that I don't love God either. Maybe, I'm deceived...maybe...however, that can happen to anyone...even you...(so don't be too quick to jump on my case...please...)
I never did like going to church. Growing up I was dragged to church each week, (Its OK mom, I learned good stuff in spite of my attitude.) I hated it. I was not following Christ at the time either.
Now I do follow Christ, or think I do. It depends how you define it, I guess. There have been times when I would have considered my present faith as carnal, leading to death for sure. Now I wonder who the hell I thought I was passing judgment like that. It's Gods place to make judgments like that. My place is to judge what is true...not souls.
I have been a follower of Christ for 30 years now. In that time, there have been few churches I enjoyed. I've heard it all..."Don't look for the perfect church." (I'm not). "You will not be satisfied in Christ's church unless you get meaningfully involved, and lead."...(I don't have the patience.). "You have to work behind the scenes, with humility."...(too lonely) "Try a small group."...(too many Chiefs, and not enough Indians) "You're just too negative." (What!? Possibly that's true...but is it really driving this?) "You don't love people." (Ouch! I think I love...but maybe not well.)
I know I should attend, and be involved in a local church. After trying everything I can think of, it has become so hard. I started this post because I was thinking of going to church in the morning for the first time this year. My choice is a 9:00 service (too early... :-) or an 11:15 service (which goes way to damn long each week). Two hours (plus) is too long...truly, it is. Everyone thinks what they have to say is so important. Believe it or not I used to lead Bible studies, and if everyone had something to say, I cut my lesson short to finish when I promised to finish...so time management is doable in Gods house!
I think of that definition of insanity...(trying the same thing over and over expecting a different result)...Maybe insanity is what I'm engaged in.
What is the answer? Part of me wishes I was wrong, and that this is not an issue I should struggle with. Another part of me thinks I just go and make the most of something, anything...it doesn't matter where or what, just go (somewhere they manage time well..:-)
Frankly, I don't observe many people enjoying themselves (being blessed?) in organized religion. They may say they are; although, it looks contrived more often than not. Which reminds me I am not the only one who struggles with this.
There...and I didn't edit this post after all......(next morning) Now I have done some editing, but it's minimal.
Part 2...(later tonight...a thought)
As I read back over this it occurs to me what ingredient was present every time church was enjoyable, or at least tolerable...Relationship...relationship was present (Sorry to sound trite. Remember, I'm just thinking/typing out loud here..so...)...Relationship...We talk about that a lot in church...however, for myself it has not been present in a long time. Relationship...I remember the kind where people enjoyed each other (you were not just a "project"), and helped each other (not out of guilt, or church requirement, but because they wanted to), and (so important for neurotics like myself) didn't give up on each other. In every case from my initial introduction to Christianity, to every positive experience I've had, that has been the key...that's it (where I received, and gave that kind of relationship)...Now it is just not there...
So, is that it? IDK...I don't...Of course I could just be romanticizing...But it might be something to pray about...
posted by Jim at 10:18 PM
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